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  • Writer's pictureClotaire Mandel

Long term travel : tiredness.

Well, go for a bit of honesty. This virus didn’t change much my plans. A bit, as everybody else, but at the end, I’m finally at the place I was suppose to. A bit earlier and jobless but it’s just a matter of time. New Zealand is here for charging up my batteries. Filling my bank account, but also in inner energy. As I lost something on the way. Places I’ve been recently through didn’t inspired me much, or were tainted by a pinch of disappointment. I agree saying that I’m demanding as exacting as well. I was clearly happy being wherever I was, but just because of the global lifestyle and habits who are mines and who I’m clearly in love for. The content and the form. I was luckily glad of both. But the content was very personal, just involving my selfish desire of endlessly roaming around. I din’t expect much from SE asia. And had some cool highlights as very dull sections as well. And I think I actually lost my interest for people I had so far. Didn’t want to learn much about them, languages or history. Well, not even really talk with anybody. I noticed it obviously. Mostly due to the change on my way to take photos. It was very much focus on the aesthetic who comes out of a nomadic life. But not anymore to faces, life stories or smiles. I always said everything was about periods and chapters. But there, a part of me felt naked from being so far from human being. Of being far from good old feelings. Those who pushed me to keep hitting the road since years and buy a decent camera. Weirdly, I noticed it because of details as the choice of camera lens and books I was reading. Since months now, I constantly kept on my camera a lens who allow me to picture the world as a global theatre who let me step and evolving in. And not anymore as a boiling pot of wonderfull details. And I saw myself reading more and more books of sailors. Sailing ship, famous sailors. Loneliness, inward looking stories, escaping. Funny isn’t ? Tired of sharing and social medias in general as well. I have the feeling that I spend way too much time to it. Only the lonely message I got sometimes keep me motivated. Otherwise… It’s so cool to share. But it takes time. Time in front of a screen. Means also less time reading books, staring at the sky, writing with a real pen. And I also want to say that the way social medias run kind of disgust me a bit. It’s way too much based on surface and buzz photos. It what makes an account working and growing, being visually surprising. Behind, it can be empty and meaning less, doesn’t really matter. So this is where I am right now, stuck between feelings. So here I’m in New eland, where I’ll got a job, calm, a wonderful decor and enough of off road mountain sections. I’ll take a road who fits better to my attempts. And then, I already have a clear idea of where I want to keep cycling for the next couple of years. That’s why I’m learning Russian and thinking my bike and gear to be able to survive in remote mountainous area, steppe and desert. Because yep, that’s also part of the deception, lack of consistance in discussions. I could have learn a bit of each language but let’s be serious, it on’t have change much and I couldn’t be able to do more than ordering some stuff at the grocery shop. Fatigue is not in my case a lack of motivation or energy, but it’s more a change in perspectives, translate by an attention focusing on different things. I’m still craving of exploring this beautiful planet by bike. But I need to chose more carefully my way in the future. A way who’s corresponding better to my inclinations and personality. I already spent way too much time in boring places. Not enough in mountains. No enough remote and engaged. It’s my fault because I did decide my route. Although I’m sure it helps to trace a new line on the map. And all of this pushed me to change my way of considering what I’m carrying and how I do it. More about this soon, stay tuned !


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